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#1 No bar turns five years old in Bushwick. It’s unnatural. Three and you’re done at most. What are they? Immortal?

#2 They’re at the corner of St. Nicholas and Troutman. That’s like, right in the middle of where you would normally be hanging out anyway. Aren’t you sick of your friends yet?

#3 FREE Cava toast at 9PM?! I’m barely awake at 9. Haha – oh, PM. Well, all those bubbles can’t possibly be good for you.

#4 Momofuku Milkbar birthday cake? Wow, well, I guess I need to chill on this one too. My girlfriend makes all the special order cakes at Momofuku. Which means she’ll most likely be making this one. It’s gonna be great. (I am obligated to say this for fear of bodily harm, but, seriously it is mouth-drooly awesome.)

Image via The Bodega Facebook

#5 Oh, remember that Cava toast from number 3? Well, that’s only at 9am. It’s not like they have drink specials all night. Oh, they do? Okay.

#6 Flying Dog Brewery is sponsoring the event. That’s bad, right?

#7 DJ PEEP? What is that? An Easter reference? In April? Easter’s not until November! Morons.

These are terrible reasons and you should definitely go. It’s going to be an F-ing blast.

Congratulations Ben and Gina! Here’s to five more years! After that, there’s no telling what our Alien overlords will allow us to do, so enjoy it.

 The Bodega Turns Five @ The Bodega, 24 St. Nicholas Ave, Bushwick, Friday, April 3, 7PM.