Are you still drudging aimlessly through the start of fall? Confused about whether this is an Indian Summer or a Mild Winter? Not sure whether to consult a Farmer’s Almanac or NOAA? Not quite sure which Thursday of November Thanksgiving falls on, and which Tuesday is election day? Have you already started thinking about your Christmas list? Well, put your pants back on, people, and get your head in the game: Halloween is almost here. Do you know where your poltergeists are?

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#1 Shocktober @ The Bodega (TUE 9PM, Free)

The Bodega has been screening scary movies every Tuesday in October, but now that Halloween is drawing closer, they are ramping up the festivities. Start things off next Tuesday with two John Carpenter flicks (The Thing and Halloween) and then go carve up some pumpkins on Wednesday. And bust out your bustier for the big night because on the 31st they’ll be showing Rocky Horror!

#2 Haunted/Radioactive Canoe Ride @ Newton Creek (HALLOWEEN 5:30PM, $15)

Finally, in answer to all my Superfund-related dreams, the North Brooklyn Boat Club has recruited some of the undead to guide a canoe trip down the creek. You would think such a thing would be crazy illegal and/or dangerous, but the zombies are actually extremely skilled, ACA certified guides. And the cost of admission includes a drink ticket – to be used only after the paddle.

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79 N 11th St 

#3 Zombie Prom @ Cobra Club. (SAT 9PM-4AM, Free)

So remember back in high school when you were getting punch-drunk at prom and you were all, “WHAT IF IT WERE THE ZOMBY APOCKALYPZ?!?!” Well, here’s your chance to relive your brain eatin’ hay-day! Come dressed to feed and shuffle the night away!!

#4 Tarot Card Readings and a Psychic @ Kave (TUE/WED 12PM-6PM, Free)

Many of us have questions about our future. Will you ever find love, or at least a stranger who’ll watch you masturbate? Will your pipe dreams ever come to fruition, or should you sell all your horticultural tools and move back to Detroit? Who’s going to win the world series? What should you be for Halloween? Well, thank the gods, Kave is offering Psychic Wednesdays and Tarot Card Tuesdays for those of us who are craving a little mysticism. The perfect way to get into the holiday!

#5 Calabaza Festival @ Maria Hernandez Park. (SUN 12PM) 

The Calabaza Festival is that rare beast that offers a little something for everyone: it’s kid-friendly, tree-friendly, cross-culturally-friendly, pumpkin-friendly (actually, pumpkins will be maimed and gutted in the spirit of the season), music-friendly, costume-friendly, AND cooking-friendly. Plus, witness the debut of Bushwick Farmers’ Market Green Machine…whatever that could possibly mean!

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#6 Get your freaking costume already!!

Maybe it’s alright to wait until you’ve consulted a psychic at Kave, and you know what you are going to be. But once you’ve picked something out (Pizza? Anthony Weiner? The Government Shutdown? Amish hair stylist?), go hit up the Jungle and the perfect rectangle of vintage stores that have recently inundated our previously raggedy, ho-hum neighborhood. Mix and match weirdness and pull together a costume that you can feel proud wearing to our mannyyyyyyy Bushwick Halloween parties!!