There’s always a mix of adolescent excitement at the idea of weathering the big bad storm indoors with snow day roommates, sleeping in, movies and if you’re one of the lucky ones, lots of blankets and a cuddly partner. In NYC, no matter the snowfall amounts, you can expect the intrepid road plows, sidewalk salters and subway gnomes to get on the stick before you have to go out into the “shit.” This can be comforting for those with no choice but to brave the elements, but really frustrating to those with the slight chance that excessive weather will grant them a days reprieve from TPS reports and surly customers.

Personally, I tend to roll my eyes at the hysteria surrounding foreboding prognostications of atmospheric disaster. Then again, eye-rolling is a cultural constant in our hipster microcosm of flamboyace and condescension. Or maybe it’s just that weather reports usually err on the side of “the sky is falling.” Either way it looks like this is the real thing, so here is my recipe for getting through it alive (or simply enjoying it):

1. Go grocery shopping

True story…. #Juno #traderjoes #groceriesinsanity

A photo posted by Katarina Hybenova (@kamelka) on Jan 26, 2015 at 10:52am PST

I know some of us have caviar dreams with roe realities but even a handful of ramens and several bags of fruit from the sidewalk applecart can get you through the night. I did extreme food shopping Saturday with the girlfriend and now I’m looking for any reason to eat like tomorrow is only penciled in on fate’s calendar. The common feeling here is that “I should do this every week” but most of us know that the grocery store is a realm best left unvisited as long as you can get a $3 falafel and a dollar slice on your block (at 4 am no less). It’s a great feeling to stand in front of your fridge’s open door though, boxers and beer gut bathed in fluorescent light, and gaze upon the bounty that is $150 worth of disparate items no recipe can accommodate.

2. Instigate a sleepover


Have some friends that are in the ramen and fruit bag category of preparation tactics? Dude, invite them over. Friends, like food, can be a great boredom killer and you can truly be helping someone out by snow day-ing together. If you’re single, don’t even get me started on the “hey I just bought a ton of groceries and got my Netflix all warmed up. Why don’t you pack an overnight bag and be a hermit with me? We can build a fort and be gluttons” seduction. It’s the shit. For the more platonic scenarios, just make sure you can actually stand 24 hours of the same person before you extend an offer. There’s no better way to lose a friend than to HAVE to be near them for an extended period of time. If problems occur proceed to step 3.

3. Booze is the answer

beer drinking

If you need to be told this, you know nothing Jon Snowed-in. No matter who you’re with, what’s on the TV/laptop, or where you are, booze will be appreciated by all. A bottle of whiskey and a case of beer (get pickles at the grocery store!) is the snow day equivalent of a life raft and a unflagging belief in the divine. If you are not compatible with alcohol, well then, I’m not sure. Take some sleeping pills and hope the storms gone when you wake up?

4. Go outside at least once

walk outside

Here’s the thing. It’s cold, gross windy and totes “no” outside. It’s also one of maybe a handful of days in the year where you’ll actually get to appreciate one of natures’ gorgeous displays. It’s the one time you can walk outside in Brooklyn and not have to face tumbletrash and skittering rats. It’s like being the only person in line at the DMV. What’s more, it’s a great time to put some space between you and whomever else is sharing your nest inside. Assuming you have some winter appropriate gear, even just ten minutes of a snowball fight or a trip to the bodega for loosies can clear the mind and body of strangle-rage when your roommate won’t shut up during whichever episode of Ancient Aliens you decided to watch. Oh if you have Hulu, this is a great time to delve into the Criterion Collection you’ve been avoiding in favor of Sharknado (if not just for a minute or so – so you can post to Facebook that you’re at home and watching Godard films.)

5. Take pictures and light up social media


Enough with the “Facebook is ruining relationships and real human interaction.” I have friends I will probably never see again in the flesh for the rest of my life but I know what they had for dinner last night (Instagram told me so.) Facebook and others are simply one big phone party with pictures. Find all the internet crap that makes you laugh, makes you mad at Obummer, makes you ponder the future of science etc and let us into your soul’s library of fascinations. Or…

6. Indulge in all the porns

porn south park

The internet has a few porn sites. Just a couple here and there but I bet you can find one. There’s something to be said for the selfish approach and if you didn’t follow any of the suggestions above, this would be it.

Honorable Mentions: Weed, building parties (in the hopes your neighbors don’t suck), weed, board games (Stratego is the best board game), weed, calling your mom, weed, doing your taxes, weed, long baths, weed and finally, weed.

Stay safe Bushwick!