Breaking News: Madonna Bought Cheap Storage Building to Create a Rooftop Restaurant

Madonna smiling on her Instagram photo about her latest real estate investment in Bushwick.

For the first time in Bushwick history, a real live celebrity will be joining the ranks of multi­-generational hipster residents. And when we say real celebrity, we don’t mean a TV star Zosia Mamet who closed on a 1-million dollar Bushwick home earlier this year… We mean… yes, Madonna!

Just yesterday, Madonna’s press secretary Terry L’goneiu released the confirmation that the “Like A Virgin” Pop Star has purchased the entire top three floors of the Cheap Storage building at 49 Wyckoff Ave, just off the Jefferson L train stop.

As to be expected, her plans to completely overhaul the building are multi-fold and will showcase some exciting new features, for both personal and neighborhood-wide use alike.

Some of the items listed on the 38-point renovation docket include, but are not limited to – a dance studio, a biannual space for ongoing children’s macrame workshops, a latex clothing company entitled “Wrap Me,” a bi-weekly reading room for Adoptive Parents of Strictly Non-American Children (co-owned by Brangelina) and, most excitingly, a Raw Vegan Fruitarian Farm-to-Table restaurant that is rumored to showcase a rooftop lounge, organic miniature farm animals and a barmitzvah room.

“I am very excited to be apart of the burgeoning artistic community and I hope to continue to inspire the people of Bushwick and around the globe,” said the singer/songwriter.

As for the livelihood of the already threatened residents of the the Cheap Storage building, Madonna had this to say: “Has anyone seen my seaweed salad?” then squawked like a pigeon and did a fist pump.

Stay tuned to Bushwick Daily for more news on the upcoming renovations to be released within upcoming months.

PS: We love all of you who fell for our April Fools joke, including New York Observer!

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