I like torturing my boyfriend. Do you like torturing your boyfriend/girlfriend? Good. Let’s be friends.

This month in the boyfriend-torture-society, I’ll be forcing him to have the most heinously traditional, adorable and disgustingly-loving Valentine’s Day. If he can get through this, he can get through anything, which will really proves his love to me. And proving love is what Valentine’s Day is all about… AMIRITE?

So to assist in my evil, evil doings, I walked up and down Knickerbocker Avenue in hopes the businesses wouldn’t fail me, and could have ALL the Valentine’s Day things. My wishes came true! I mean–of course they did. It’s Knickerbocker Ave. There’s nothing you can’t find on Knickerbocker Ave.

So join me, and shop with me, for my sweet & sexy Valentine’s Day torture devices. Here we go!

#1 Candles

First up–candles. Totes necessary for Valentine’s Day. I like these big ones, because they can burn aaaalll night long if ya know what I mean, wink-wink.

How Much: $1.29

Where: Any Dollar Store

#2 Sexy Lingerie

Nobody should have to recycle lingerie for V-day. That’s just wrong…. and exactly why I’ll be buying one of these bright-red teddys!

How Much: $9.99

Where: Shoppers World, 399 Knickerbocker Ave

#3 Flowers

Ahhhh, roses. They really are my favorite flowers. So classic. Always gorg. And I plan on getting some special, just for me this 14th of February! In fact, I plan on getting so many roses that my entire apartment reeks of the Secret Garden on steroids.

How Much: $6

Where: Knickerbocker Florist, 313 Knickerbocker Ave

#4 A heart-shaped-box of chocolates

In life, when you work hard you deserve the finer things. That’s why I’m making my man work for it this year, and instead of getting him some Jacques Torres, I’m getting him some Russell Stover. I’m just waiting to watch him eat an entire layer of surprise chocolate while I laugh evily. MUAHAHAHA.

How much: $7.99 and up

Where: Party Fair, 390 Knickerbocker Ave


#5 Condoms

After all that, your significant other deserves a reward. But be smart, kids. Wrap it up. Your V-Day gift… that is.

How Much: Prices vary

Where: Rite Aid, 355 Knickerbocker Ave