I remember when I first saw the Hasidic polyamorous sword fighter at my local bar. I was astounded to see someone dressed in a kippah and wearing tzitit, drinking whisky and challenging the local patrons to sword fights. I was thinking about what kind of life trajectory let this fascinating fellow—let’s call him David—to be at this bar in Bushwick at this time. He was still clearly connected to his faith, but also living a vastly different life from others in his community.

To my delight, David described himself as an open book, and we met for a chat. Although I asked him about many components of his life, I focused most on understanding his experience with relationships and sexuality.

David was born in Brooklyn in an ultra-Orthodox community. This meant that his mother wore a wig, and his father wore a black hat and full beard. They both practiced strict adherence to rabbinical interpretation of Jewish law. During David’s childhood, there was a stark division between genders. He described how there was minimal contact between girls and boys after kindergarten, as they went to different schools and sat in different sections of the synagogue. David said that you weren’t supposed to frivolously talk or look. And you definitely could not touch someone of the other sex.