Let’s just say, I’m a Thanksgiving cynic. I can’t help but see bullshit in some of those “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings. I may not be popular, but I can relax in my honesty. There are so many reasons why Thanksgiving can be frustrating. One big reason is loss of control over basics like where and when in regards to eating, sleeping, going places. This is the same reason why I hate group outings, which is the essence of Thanksgiving. The times that I’ve been single are the ones that have bugged me the most. When you are single, you are much more vulnerable to other people’s whims, with no one to complain to privately afterward. Of course then there is the time I was with my boyfriend when I walked into my Aunt Amanda’s house one year and upon seeing me she exclaimed, “You’ve gained weight!” right in front of him.
Sister’s Unfaithful Boyfriend
Q. I’m from Colorado, I live in Bushwick now, and I see my family in Colorado over Christmas. Last year my sister was spending a semester in Venezuela, and my mother invited her boyfriend over to our family’s house for dinner anyway. Typically my sister, her boyfriend, and I, would go out after dinner for some merriment, but last year it was just me and him. Yeah, you know what happened, lots of partying and we hooked up. I feel shitty about the whole thing. So far there have not been any consequences. My sister has been here visiting me alone since last year when she got back from her trip. She and her boyfriend are still together. I didn’t say anything about what happened, but I am also concerned if he was so quick to hook up with me, I wonder who else was he sleeping with when she was away. What should I do? I’m thinking of using a work excuse and staying home this year to avoid the whole mess.
A. You’re bad. OK, now do you feel better? You know what you did is wrong, so think about your motivation for what you did so you don’t find yourself in this same situation again. It’s not worth it—it takes too much energy away from your life and gets in the way of finding someone that is just for you. Plus, is super hostile and destructive to your sister and your relationship with her, but enough—you made a mistake and didn’t come here for lectures from me. I’m wondering if there’s some unresolved conflict within your family that you’re repeating—I hope not, but it’s worth noting. If there is, it’s too complicated for an advice column and would be worth finding a therapist to discuss this with. At any rate, you made an error a year ago. It is time to move on and keep your mouth shut. Let the guilt that you’re experiencing be the reminder to never let this happen again. Your sister’s boyfriend does not sound like the most trustworthy guy but, quite honestly, that’s her problem. Go visit your family, but stay home for the after-dinner festivities. Say you’re too tired to go out. Your loyalty is to your sister. If she’s with an untrustworthy guy, she probably needs all the unconditional love she can get whether she realizes it or not. BTW: In the future, if an engagement ring ever shows up on your sister’s finger from this A-Hole, all bets are off. We will need to talk again, reevaluate and see if he’s grown up.
Flakey Girl
Q. Dr. Lisa, I met a girl about a year ago and we ended up hooking up that night. I didn’t bother getting her number since we both lived in different cities at the time. I found her on Facebook and friended her, but we really didn’t talk much until about September when I found out she was moving to New York. (I had just moved back to New York after a stint in the Midwest.) We agreed to meet up and had a great time and hung out together a couple more times. Recently, it has been very hard to get together. We made plans a couple times but she claims she lost her phone. She may actually be telling the truth, but who knows. I genuinely enjoy hanging out with this girl (not just the sex). Do I continue to pursue her aggressively or take a couple weeks off?
A. Did she really lose her phone twice? Of course this sounds like rude bullshit, but mostly because she was not even considerate in dishing out lies worth believing. Also, I’m wondering if you may have set yourself up—when she told you she lost her phone, did she also say she would like to go out again another time? In other words, if you suspected she was full of shit, that would have been a good time to find out in a gentlemanly way.
I’d say there’s a ten percent chance this is true and nevertheless, I’m for taking people at their word. Either way, your instinct to wait is a good one. I’d give it two weeks and try one last time to get a resolution. If she blows you off this time you’ll know for sure and then you will also have a chance to tell her that she’s not very creative with her excuses.
Dr. Lisa, S.P. (Self-Proclaimed) is ready to address any issue about your art, life, job, sex, you name it. She answers all emails and she will post some of her responses right here. Please send emails to: [email protected]