I had this sticker chart in kindergarten- it wasn’t a class-wide thing, just something for me and one other girl- Jessica-  the other big talker in class. Mrs. Romaler, our teacher, would give us a star sticker for every day we were quiet, and draw a frown face for every day we were loud.

I didn’t always get a sticker. I’ve always had a big mouth.

Throughout my young life, being a girl who was outspoken, opinionated, and loud, was frowned upon, whether that frown was drawn or not. My big mouth bothered Mrs Romaler, it bothered my misogynistic father, it bothered my Christian High School Principal, it bothered the church I grew up in. This never resulted in my not being loud; it never stopped me from voicing my opinions, that was all just a part of me. It did, however,  create a lot of guilt and self-judgement around it. I tried to keep my voice down, to be aware, “some voices just carry,” my father would say, “even at a whisper.”