Fall is upon us, and what could possibly be a better way to celebrate it than getting spanked by a vampire clown with a whiskey-bacon caramel apple in your mouth while a “nurse” injects you with jello shots. Seriously, this could happen to you this weekend, and I promise it will be worth any possible emotional scarring.

Look at that Fall spirit…

The legendary Kings County Saloon is celebrating the spookiest season with a harvest festival titled the Dark Carnival this Saturday and Sunday (October 18th-19th), starting at 2PM both days. And oh yes, it will be dark. It will be spooky, perhaps horrific at times, and debauchery will run through it like a Liston knife through your spleen.

Is it hot toddy season already? Yes!!

The motivation behind giving Bushwick a proper creep show came from the organizers’ fond memories of harvest carnivals from their youth and an appreciation for their unique goal to always be slightly unnerving to the patrons in face of the coming winter. As organizer Jesse Levitt put it, “Harvest carnivals date back a long time in human history, and we are harvesting a lot of weird ideas and energy here, so we are having a carnival to celebrate that.”

Autumn: The bacon-wrapped-caramel-apple season.

And it really will be a carnival. Hosted by the delovely queen and Kings County favorite, Chicken Bitches; there will be live music, including an album release performance from the Brooklyn-based gypsy-punk band, Amour Obscure, on Saturday at 10PM. Sunday will have its own musical act at 6PM in Afterbirth Monkey, a comedy band based in Astoria with classic hits such as Man Dies Defecating and It’s Raining Dicks.

Where else will you be able to show off your apple balancing skills?

There will also be a spinning wheel that will award you with “prizes… or penalties, depending on your view of things. There is definitely going to be some spanking.” A clown named Kong will be doing a Peep Show and a Dildo Ring Song, and there will be a gypsy telling fortunes, wandering buskers, a turn-of-the-century photo booth and a pickle-eating contest on Sunday at 3PM.

Candy, pickles, and werewolves, oh my!

It goes without saying that if you come to an event like this, you are not going to sit down and watch. So take this opportunity to test out your Halloween costume, because “wandering clowns will be doted upon.”

Ever since their first Brooklyn Smallest Penis Pageant, Kings County has managed to up the ante with new shows that get patrons to throw themselves into a world that does away with social norms of every kind. Knowing this, we can all expect some pretty engaging shenanigans this weekend at Dark Carnival.

Note: If you rock at downing big ol’ pickles, there are still some open seats for contestants and the winner gets an award of some kind… Email them at [email protected] if you are interested!

Kings County Saloon is located at 1 Knickerbocker Ave.