Have you ever had mind-blowing sex with someone whose penis was so little it belonged in a small penis pageant? Are you are someone who is equipped with said endowment, as well the pride and courage to share your “fun-sized” gift with the world?
Then set aside June 14 for the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant at Kings County Bar! What began last year as a modest show supporting positive body image has become a Bushwick hit, and there are still a few openings for new beloved stars of this year’s pageant.
But if you choose to enter the competition (or pay $5 to be a member of the audience), keep in mind that this show is no object of ridicule: this is a real pageant (in a cozy dive-ish bar right off the Morgan Avenue L stop).
If you are a competitor, you must prove that you and your organ can play the part of Mr. Smallest Penis. You will have the chance to do this by presenting your manhood in both evening couture and bathing wear, while demonstrating your “talent, personality” and how well you “represent the ideal of a man with a small dong.”
Expect an audition with event organizers beforehand, and to be observed by a small but loving audience that has paid good money just to celebrate you and your willy.
And to make the night all the more special for the members of the audience, there will be two for-one-night-only surprise drinks at the bar: one special cocktail, one special shot. Although their contents will not be revealed until the night of the show, last year’s drink was a “Penis Colada,” so expect something equally festive.
As for the judges, two of them have been confirmed. The first is Kendal, a sex advocate who has worked in the sexual health industry for years as well as in “pretty much every sex shop in New York,” according to Bobbie Chaset, who is a bartender and organizer at Kings County Bar. The other judge is L.A. based radio talk show host who has been heralded as the “female Howard Stern,” the esteemed and brazen Carolyn Fox, who will be sure to mix things up.
Last year’s event proved to be an incredibly popular evening that saw the creation of the first Mr. Smallest Penis, and new Bushwick celebrity, Mr. Rip Van Dinkle, who will be flying all the way from Minnesota this year to keep the competition stiff. Mr. Rip Van Dinkle is no short order and he has embraced his title with fierce pride. Rumor has it that he even requested a red carpet to be unfurled so that he may get the grand entrance he deserves, as well as an opportunity to sign autographs for returning fans.
The doors open on Saturday, June 14, at 2pm at Kings County Bar on Seigel Street. Last year it was so crowded that some of the latecomers had to be turned away at the door. Organizers expect an even larger turn out this year, so get there early. RSVP on Facebook here.
If you are looking to audition, contact Bobbie Chaset at SPB.BrooklynATgmail.com as soon as possible.