I had to struggle to get some questions together this week. What is up with you people? You spend all this money on therapy or dragging down your friends with your problems and you could be sending them all to me right here at hellodrlisaATgmail.com!
So I’m going to answer some of your ridiculous questions, but here, the serious one first.
Q. How can I learn to trust someone that has cheated on me? Do I ignore my instinct and try and rebuild or move on?
We had been dating for six months, all was in bloom. The “I love you’s” were exchanged, the parents were met, and all at his encouragement. Everything was going pretty well despite the occasional feeling of something being off (which was dispelled by my friends and family and attributed to my past relationships that were littered with cheating).
One day, a little over a year ago (six months into the relationship), I received a letter in my Facebook inbox from a woman telling me she had been fooling around with my boyfriend and just wanted to let me know what was going on. She had said he was trying to cut it off with her which made her angry, so she decided to reach out to me and let me know the dirty details.
He denied it at first and then admitted it once I had him in a corner. I was destroyed. We were having tons of sex, we were in love. I didn’t understand. I decided to try to forgive him, to trust him and have been trying for the past year or so to no avail. I love him a lot but can’t seem to get past the dishonesty, and frankly, the pure mindfuck he put me through.
A. The phrase you used that concerns me the most is this one: “which was dispelled by my friends and family and attributed to my past relationships that were littered with cheating.” Whatever your instincts are, they are zeroing in on the cheaters, which is a shame because I am certain you deserve better. I think everyone who knows and loves you hopes the problem of you dating the dishonest will get resolved and wants to have faith in your choice of partners.
The problem, as I see it, isn’t this one guy. It’s your pattern. For some reason, it seems that you are drawn to cheaters. Why is this – do you know? You may have had a dad who cheated or some other kind of imprinting as a younger person that drives you to sniff out the cheaters. I do think it’s something you can likely blame on your upbringing, but it is affecting your future. The best thing you can do for yourself, I think, is to identify why you like these kinds of guys and then use all your consciousness and discipline to never date anyone with a history of cheating. Some of us need to date people that we’re not as excited about in the beginning, because after the initial whirlwind phase we know the relationship will turn out to be bad for us. That also applies to alcoholics, druggies, the consistently unemployed, or whatever your kink is. Self-forgiveness and not repeating patterns are key.
As far as this guy goes, I wouldn’t be able to trust a guy who is capable of lying that way. You seem to be into him and interested in continuing to date him. It must be stressful since I’m guessing there’s some vigilance on your part to think about where he’s going and with whom when you’re not together. I believe your issue is bigger than this guy, it’s the whole category – cheaters. I don’t usually say this, but therapy might be a good way to get a handle on this problem that anyone would need help with to overcome. You’re always welcome to a free session with me!
Q. I had a one night stand with someone and got pube lice! I sleep in the buff, and my dogs sleep in bed with me. Should I get them treated, too?
A. According to the CDC, animals do not get or spread pubic lice. Thanks for this question. Definitely a point for beastiality.
To Dance Walk or Not?
Q. I work in Midtown Manhattan and recently I have seen men “dance walking” during my lunch break. I have to admit it looked fun being able to cut loose like that on the crowded sidewalk. I’ll further admit I tried a few moves at my apartment in Bushwick. I would love to be able to cut footloose and fancy-free while going down 6th Avenue.
I go dancing occasionally with my girlfriend but this dance walking thing looks so totally liberating. But what if one of my coworkers from the office spots me? They’ll tell everybody and they may even think I’m gay or something. And what if my girlfriend ever heard of it? She already thinks I’m weird and that could end it. Maybe I should wear a disguise and protect my identity.
What to do Dr. Lisa…should I walk, dance or…dance walk?
A. After viewing this video,I have come to the conclusion that the only people who can pull this off in public are a cool looking black guy and humans who have not yet reached puberty. Do what you like, just make a good faith effort not to get caught.
PS: A note from my less cynical proofreader: just watched these videos and they brought me so much joy. What about the fact that it’s sad that he’s with someone who thinks he’s weird? I think you should tell him to do it – fuck everybody! Just maybe start his career somewhere his coworkers won’t see him. Like maybe New Jersey.