10 Alternative Ways to Spend Valentine’s Day in Bushwick

Olivia Perry

[email protected]

Is Valentine’s Day a misogynistic, capitalist Hallmark invention? Yes. Can you count on it to make you feel like shit about your relationship status? Usually. Are we giving Feb. 14 the middle finger by making the best of next week anyway? Most definitely.

We’d only be letting ourselves down if we didn’t turn Valentine’s Day into an opportunity to go to some sexy events, talk to some cool people, and manifest the shit out of the rest of our year. If you’re with us, look no further for the best happenings across Bushwick this week. Whether you’re partnered-up for life, painfully single, or in the grey area in between, we’ve got options.

1. Queer Speed Cruising

Courtesy of @_personals_

The Windjammer Bar, on Feb. 8, 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.

The ‘90s are back (hell, the 2000s are almost back) which means speed dating is making a comeback too. In the era of dating apps, we’ve never needed good old-fashioned human contact more and the Therapist Referees from the infamous @dykesoccer team are here to facilitate.

This Friday put in some face time with your fellow babes of Bushwick at Queer Speed Cruising from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., at The Windjammer Bar in Ridgewood. The love of your life (or your next collaborator, roommate, or BFF) could be waiting for you. All gender identities welcome!

2.Primal Scream: Love Sick

Courtesy of Bizarre Bar.

Bizarre Bar, on Feb. 9, 10 p.m. to 3:30 a.m.

Looking to get intimate with your kinky side this Valentine’s Day? Bitch Productions are here to make it happen. Come down to Bizarre this Saturday for Primal Scream, this month’s edition aptly titled “Love Sick.”

Arrive ready to witness some heartbreaking cabaret and partake in erotic expression lessons. With all levels of experience welcome, it’s the perfect opportunity to take your relationship with your number one (you!) to the next level.

3. Rubulad Presents: Love Potion Number 389!

Courtesy of Rubulad.

RSVP for location, Feb. 10, 7 p.m.

If you have yet to experience a Rubulad party, Love Potion Number 389! promises to be an excellent distraction from your relationship woes or lack-of-relationship anxiety. The collective of Brooklyn artists and entertainers has been throwing underground parties for well over a decade and are notorious for their over-the-top events.

With live music and performances, art installations, and a few sexy surprises, you can believe Love Potion Number 389! will have everything you need to remember this Valentine’s Day for all the right reasons. RSVP to [email protected] for location.

4. Sex Trivia Sundays: Hosted by Inner Hoe Uprising 

Courtesy of Inner Hoe Uprising and Luv Story Bar.

Luv Story Bar, Feb. 10, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

If traditional trivia bores you, but you could win a medal for your enthusiasm in the bedroom, you owe it to yourself to check out Sex Trivia Sunday. The monthly event is hosted by Sam, Rob, Akua, and Rebecca of Inner Hoe Uprising, a witty podcast about sex, love, and dating from the perspective of four black feminist 20-somethings.

Trivia takes place Sunday at Luv Story Bar from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Register your team or solo spot beforehand and prepare to put those dirty thoughts to good use.

5. Bad Girl Tarot: Love Manifestation Tarot Workshop 

Courtesy of BAD GIRL TAROT

Catland, Feb. 13, 7:30 p.m.

If the NYC dating game has you asking for a divine intervention, it’s time to take destiny into your own hands. Join comic artist, animator, and professional tarot reader Katie Skelly and The Real Housewitch Chelsea Caswell for Bad Girl Tarot: Love Manifestation Tarot Workshop.

Learn to manifest the love you seek through the basics of manifestation, tarot card interpretation, building an altar, personalizing your ritual, and more. Tarot users of all levels of experience are welcome.

6. Techno Speed Dating 

Courtesy of Bossa Nova Club.

Bossa Nova, Feb. 14, 7 p.m.

Take your search for love IRL on Valentine’s Day at the sixth-month anniversary of Kiss & Tell: Techno Speed Dating. You can trust professional party planner Seze Devres to show you a good time (she might even match you to your romantic, or musical, soulmate if you’re lucky).

Head to Bossa Nova after the sun goes down for a casual cocktail hour at 7 p.m., and the speed dating portion beginning at 8 p.m. If finessing your way through a conversation isn’t your preferred method of interaction, you can let your dance moves do the talking when the after party kicks off at 10 p.m.

7. Ecosystem of Love 

Courtesy of Starr Bar.

Starr Bar, Feb 14, 8 p.m.

In the spirit of making Valentine’s Day whatever you want it to be, consider embracing all forms of love in your life. Starr Bar is on a mission to help you cultivate new relationships that fit your unique lifestyle at Ecosystem of Love this Thursday.

Arrive in time for happy hour from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., giving you plenty of time to loosen up before throwing your name in The Sorting Hat. At 8 p.m. Comedian ZILLA VODNAS starts the show, and from there it’s games, drinks, and dancing all night long.

8. Fuck Love 

Courtesy of House of Yes.

House of Yes, Feb. 14, 10 p.m. and all night long!

If we’re talking about giving the finger to Valentine’s Day, House of Yes is flipping the bird right there with you. Party your romantic expectations away at Fuck Love, a night that promises everything from champagne and chocolate (two things that should make an appearance every day of the year in my opinion) to kissing booths and divorce attorneys. Dress up in red and pink (or don’t. House of Yes DGAF).

Show your community the love by bringing your used spring and summer clothes, hand bags, and men’s shoes which will be donated to Housing Works. Event is free before 11 p.m. with RSVP.

9. LUST: An Alternative Valentine’s Day Feast 

Courtesy of LUST.

Lot 45, Feb. 15, 7 p.m. to 3 a.m.

If you’re looking for something exceptional next Friday, consider this your invite to the world of LUST. From dining off human platters, to live performances and interactive installations, LUST is truly a multi-sensorial experience for couples, groups of friends, or adventurous individuals. Your dreams might literally come true if you go to this event (depending on what kind of dreams you’re having).

If you’re looking for a firsthand account of the most recent LUST event, read up on our account of An Alternative Thanksgiving Feast.

10. Titillating Tongues: NYC Erotica Showcase & Open Mic 

Courtesy of Inspired Word.

Hell Phone, Feb. 15, 7:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.

If the articulation of a few well-placed words makes your pulse race, Hell Phone is calling for you on Friday, Feb. 15. Inspired Word wants to turn you on the old-fashioned way at their Valentine’s Day rendition of Titillating Tongues: NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose.

The event promises to be a “hot night of sexy fun, lip-licking words, and utter debauchery,” so sip on a French 75, while enjoying the performance, or take the opportunity to read out your raciest work during the open mic.

Cover photo courtesy of Black Zack.

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