June is best remembered in Bushwick as the month when the grill finally stays out all weekend, rooftop sunbathing becomes a daily activity and all the delighted residents of Bushwick start taking the A to the Far Rockaways. It is also the time when they celebrate little dicks.
Back for its third year, Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Pageant will be held at Kings County Saloon at 1 Knickerbocker Ave on June 13, with all of the pomp, booze and schlongs that residents of Bushwick love so dearly. Tickets will be $10, advance tickets $5 and the doors open at 2:30 p.m.
If Summer is the season for anything it has to be positive body image, and that is what this little pageant with big heart is all about. “This is a moment for the guys who really are small. This is their time to shine,” says Jesse Levitt, the owner of Kings County and one of the show’s producers. It is also their chance to win $500 and a number of “small goodies” from Shipadick.com, a partner of the event.
Or as returning MC and Oprah look-alike Chicken Bitches told the audience last year, these guys “deserve the same love as all the big dick motherfuckers.”
Last Summer’s show proved that sentiment as five brave young men freed their willy’s in front of a packed bar to the adulation of the crowd, most of whom were women whose enthusiasm was reminiscent of the final scene of The Full Monty. Rajeev, last years’ winner, won the crowd not because of the size of his little guy (which was microscopic), but thanks to his incredible charm, sense of humor and a Bollywood-style dance performance.
Last year’s happy winner, Rajeev.
This year there are a few updates to the pageant, including a brand new space on Knickerbocker Ave which is equipped with better audio and video equipment as well as an actual stage and room for an audience of 200.
There will also be a space theme, with a focus on Star Wars, as the story of the underdog in that series parallels the epic-ness of the struggle that these men face in society’s idea of the perfect male body type. The theme will include different set pieces and the word is out that Chewbacca, Star Wars’ hipster Lumbersexual who is too cool for pants, will be one of the judges.
And, what is perhaps the most enticing new development: this year there will be actual measuring of the penises. So hopefully there will be no big dick motherfuckers trying to show off their studs while belittling the courage of their peers (unlike last year, Rufio).
If there are, Levitt promises to “boo them off the stage.”
When the first SPP took place in 2013, there was little expectation that this would become a regular event. After two incredibly successful years that had people getting turned away from the door, Levitt has hopes that this show, just like small penises, might be with us forever, “maybe it’s becoming an institution, I don’t know if it is too early to say. That would be amazing.”
Indeed it would, as there seems to be no other pageant on Earth created to celebrate the men who are, “half the girth but twice the worth.”
King’s County Saloon is still accepting nominations and applications to enter the pageant, and you can do so on their website. Advance tickets can also be purchased there.
Smallest Penis Pageant, Saturday, June 13, at 2:30p.m. Tix $10
