By Katarina Hybenova

The remaining 500 openings in Bushwick last weekend had a common topic for discussion: Did you go to Luhring Augustine opening? What did you think about the mega-space? 

We have discussed the potential impacts of having a fancy Chelsea gallery taking a slide on Bushwick DYI hippness back and forth, and then we discussed it once again. It seems like all that remains is to acknowledge that they are here, and to hope that their presence will bring as many positive things as possible. Hopefully, they will acknowledge us back, make a studio visit here and there, and discover local emerging talent. Some of us were asking how does one even make them notice us? How does one network with art world celebrities? Well, we don’t know either. But here is what you definitely should not be doing:

#1 Stare creepily at Marina Abramovič, because the fact she starred at you at MoMA gives you enough of an excuse.

#2 When bumping into Charles Atlas in the bathroom, ask casually whether his barber takes hallucinogens.

#3 Give wrong directions to that middle-aged lady who is scared to death trying to navigate her GPS from Grattan to Knickerbocker crying she doesn’t even know where she is… Send her to Johnson Avenue for a late night Bushwick scenic walk.

#4 Demand a free can of Tecate from Luhring Augustine employee with British accent. Insist you need it to process the trippy installation!

#5 Roberta Smith will surely reserve a spot for you among her Top 2012 if  you only perform that piece you’ve been practicing with your roommates in your loft. Yes, perform right there at the opening. Naturally, her friends are interested too.

#6 Ask that artsy middle aged French lady next to you at the opening to tell you stories about Henri Matisse when he was still alive.

#7 Just stand there. Be naked while at it.

#8 Wonder where all these old people came from and why they keep staring at all those numbers. Wonder aloud.

#9  The best way to get the attention of Jerry Salz is to steadily scream in a high pitched voice (we swear).

#10 Stalk Kathy Halbreich home. For the future reference, you need to know where she lives.