I’m an entrepreneur with an art gallery in Bushwick. Dating has been challenging for me because most guys are intimidated by my success and/or they want to me show their work in my gallery. A few weeks ago I met a guy who plays violin in a string quartet-an artist but not a visual artist. But now it turns out there’s a big problem—he can’t have sex without getting high. He says he can’t relax enough to enjoy himself without it. I don’t smoke and I feel like he’s not really in the room with me. The whole thing feels distant and disconnected. It’s ruining our sex life. Help. ~Up in smoke
Have you ever seen Woody Allen’s great Annie Hall? There’s a scene where Alvy (Woody Allen) argues with Annie (Diane Keaton) because she has to get high before sex. He has the same exact issue as you—he feels a separation. What happens? That’s what Netflix is for. I’m an advice columnist so here goes.
You just met the guy a few weeks ago-give him a break! Maybe he likes you and he’s nervous. Maybe he went to Julliard and graduated with a bad case of OCD that marijuana mitigates. Maybe he just really likes being high. Maybe, maybe, maybe. The point is you can’t possibly have enough information at this stage of the game.
The good news? He plays in a string quartet, which means he already has a lot of great relationship skills: He’s part of an ensemble so he knows how to play nice with other children, he can compromise, improvise, listen, and make sweet, sweet music. Sounds like a keeper to me. Give it a chance and see if you can slowly introduce weed-free Wednesdays or smoke-free Saturdays.
You have a great career, a smart, artsy guy and an actual sex life—You’ve won the lottery, baby. Hold out the peace pipe and have some fun for God sake.
And BTW in case you didn’t know, you met him in May, which happens to be national chamber music month. I’m not one for omens and signs but that seems like a good one!
I met a great girl online. When we finally met in person she was true to her profile in that she’s taller than me and she makes more money than I do. So I knew all that ahead of time but for some reason even though I really like her now that I’ve met her in person, it’s bothering me. Is this just human nature? ~Undecided on the L
If you’re complaining about her being taller and richer than you, just imagine what she’s complaining about, about you. Oops-you already have. And that’s the real problem. You’ve judged yourself and found yourself lacking but at the same time you’re blaming her because you can’t look at your own faults. It’s called projection and we all do it. Now cut it out or I’m going to have to write on this very public forum that you might just be too shallow to date.
There are plenty of things you can do for her that don’t cost a dime. I asked my most economically challenged friends what they do for fun, and since that includes just about everybody I know, I got plenty of suggestions: Play dominoes in Maria Hernandez Park, spend the day at the Ridgewood Reservoir, fire up the grill and impress her with your cooking skills, visit the Narrows Botanical Garden in Bay Ridge, camp out in Brooklyn Park. Use your imagination!
Now put on those lifts and show that tall, rich chick the time of her life before someone else does.