I was dining with a friend of mine who just got engaged. She was complaining, but kind of bragging in a backhanded way, about getting married. And every once in a while she would throw in something like “don’t worry you’ll find your guy soon.” I’m pretty ok with my life. I have a great job, close friends, and lots of fun, but I left the restaurant feeling like crap. Why do women do this to each other?
– Knotted up in Bushwick
Dear Knot,
I bet the conversation went something like this: Being engaged is just SO hard. You’re SO lucky you’re not engaged and planning a wedding. God it takes so long to find a dress, and choosing items for the registry is SUCH a nightmare. Makes you want to scream or secretly make out with her fiancé.
So to answer your question, some women are so male-identified that they can’t feel happy and/or accomplished on their own. Having a husband or getting married IS their accomplishment…and they assume that all women feel the same way. So next time your friend brags about getting married as if she must be very special to have been chosen for this honor, don’t feel bad, feel pity. That woman cannot feel good about herself, all by herself.
And don’t get me wrong people: I’m not against being proud of the man you’re marrying or are married to. But, there’s a big difference between being proud of your husband, and being proud of having a husband.
Hi Margot,
I like one-night stands and I’m not going to apologize for it. I’m also good at making them happen and I’m not apologizing for that either. My problem is that I like to be really affectionate and warm during the act and afterwards, and this always leads to the woman thinking I want more and then losing their shit when I tell them I don’t want to see them again. Am I supposed to be a mean a-hole just because it’s a one-night stand?
– Just a loving guy
Dear loving,
If you’re running into the same problem over and over than we must assume (although we hate assuming) that the problem is yours. I’m guessing that you are not being completely upfront with the women you are bedding. Are you telling them before any clothing has left the body, or better yet before any butt has left the barstool, that you are only in it for the night? If not then you need to begin fessing up right away.
I’m thinking that you don’t want to come right out with it because you’re afraid you won’t get laid. I also imagine that you’re a little bit in love with all of these women falling in love with you. I’m sure the power and control does wonders for both of your heads.
Let me tell you, those women aren’t pissed because you won’t see them again. They’re pissed because you’re wooing them and they feel manipulated. And in 2013 (and even in 1913), lots of one-night stands go on to become long relationships, so don’t go rolling your eyes and saying they knew what they were getting into.
It’s lovely to be affectionate, and it’s totally appropriate as well, just as long as all of your cards are on the bar before you start running your hands through her hair and telling her what pretty babies you two could make.
