Aaaaah, the L train. Why do we love it? Well, the answers are obvious! Everyone wants access to easy train transfers, and Union Square is on the line. If you’re like everyone else who lives in Brooklyn and into food and bars, there are a plethora of sweet places to fill up near most every L stop. It’s basically a fashion show, with outfits and makeup worthy of a half-baked red train carpet. It’s also a way to get where you’re going and take in some serious eye candy at the same time. But holdup! The L train isn’t all wine n’ roses either. Ever heard of Is the L Train Fucked ? Let’s all commiserate for a hot second on how trifling this train can be. Damn you, L!
10). The rush hour commute: While no train is a walk in the park during the hours of 7:30-9 a.m., the L train is the mecca offender of claustrophobia, forcing you to know what the person next to you had for breakfast or when the last time they showered was. It’s the worst for the Bedford & Lorimer folk where the over-population begins on the platform, and they then have to wait for several trains before hopping on. Sardine-can City, yo.
9). The 1 train transfer: Admit it. You try and take the F or the A as much as possible whenever you have to do a west-side transfer. None of us look forward to avenue-long walk in a tunnel of grim, doom, and silly advertisements for Bravo reality shows. Although that really happy guy who always sings Beatles covers IS a delight. You gotta hand it to him–he makes it all a little better. He really does.
8). Stops that no one seems to use because they’re really close to other stops: Don’t you sometimes wish you could just bypass 3rd Ave and Graham Ave? Can’t the sum total of 8 people who actually use these stops walk literally 3 extra blocks or less to the next nearest subway station? Or maybe the MTA should just run those stations like they do on the bus where you pull a cord if you need the bus to stop. That would be so awesome!
7). There’s no respect: Okay. It’s time certain L train riders take off their flippin sunglasses and headphones already, and stop pretending like they don’t see the elderly, pregnant or disabled person who just got on the train. Show some respect! I don’t care how into On the Road or Pride and Prejudice you are. We can all afford to be more aware of the people around us.
6). The foot fetish dude who usually is most frequently found on the Jefferson or Morgan platform: This one’s for the ladies. Aren’t we just so lucky?!? Yes. I’m talking about that guy who sits on the platform and takes off his shoes and then asks to rub yours. But actually this is the worst ever, because obviously.
5). The rats on the 3rd Ave platform: I’m sorry to be pickin’ on 3rd Ave so much, but things with the rats on 3rd Ave are serious. In the two total times you’ll ever use this station to go shopping at Trader Joe’s, you’ll notice furry friends scuttling around, feasting on their lunch/ brunch/ tapas/ what have you via an open bag of Ruffles circa 2004. Well, New York is a city for everyone. I guess we all deserve fine cuisine… *Sigh.* Gross.
4). Only one set of tracks: The fact that there’s no express track keeps the L train held up for indefinitely anytime anything happens. Then you’re referred the *gasp* J train. Which brings me to my next point….
3). No express train: Seriously, even the flippin J train has an express. SMH.
2). Having to go anywhere in Brooklyn NOT on the L train: Do you know how cool the rest of Brooklyn is? Pretty friggin cool! In the cases you do go to check out an Italian joint on 4th Ave in Bay Ridge or for a walk in Prospect Park, have fun making a pit-stop in Manhattan for your transfer… unless of course, you’re willing for journeys on the G.
1). THE SHUTTLE BUS: Yes, this is a dismal prospect for any person in a borough other than Manhattan, as all boroughs are at some time serviced by the dreaded shuttle bus. But ride any shuttle bus on any other line, and feel like you’re on a Disney cruise compared to the L shuttle. That ish is by far the most angsty, overpopulated mess I’ve ever seen ever, and I swear you’ve never witnessed people more pissy at life than people on the shuttle bus. In the case of janky-weekend service,I just try to walk it out.
Well, that’s it folks! And after all that, I do want to say that the transit system in New York is incredible. It runs 24 hours a day, has no zones or peak fares. Even for all of these issues, we have a lot to be thankful for. But if you’re not ready to go back to riding the positivity train just yet (pun intended!), feel free to add your own L train woes in the comments so we can all commiserate with ya.