Hey! I’m Niki Davis a consent and sexuality educator and Bushwick Daily’s bedroom coach. Every other Humpday, I’ll answer your sex and relationship questions.
Q: How can I make holiday gifts sexy? And can I buy myself a present, too?
A: I am a strong advocate for the Sex Toy Holiday Present i.e., the gift that keeps on giving. Alright, so this may not be the best gift to give to your father-in-law or to gift at your work’s Secret Santa (well, depending on where you work). But what better gift to give to yourself, your partner, or a close friend (especially that one friend that really needs a sex toy but doesn’t know it) than the gift of pleasure?
I feel extremely lucky to have sampled A LOT of sex toys (how fucking cool is my job?), and to help narrow your search, I have completed a list of my favorites.
As a mostly straight woman with a clitoris, I was unable to sample all of the toys. However, I sent out a query to my friends with different genitals/orientations and have included their favorites in the list below. Still, you will see in my selections there is a serious predilection towards toys that induce clitoral pleasure. This because I, along with 92% of the population of people with vaginas, REQUIRE clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. As a result, many of the vibrators can be used either for solo pleasure or with a partner, in conjunction with g-spot and/or anal stimulation (via penis, finger, etc.).
Let’s get started…
The Magic Wand is a classic and has been my number one bae for a couple years now. She is insanely powerful (I’ve still only ever gone up to the third speed) and as a result, is particularly good for the functional, speedy cum. It is perfect for those times when you are already 5 minutes late to meet your friend, but you really want to bang one out real quick. It is less ideal for a longer session, simply because it’s SO good that it’s hard to last more than a few minutes. For me, longer sessions = better cums. Hence, I wouldn’t say the Magic Wand is responsible for many of the BEST cums I’ve experienced, but in terms of quantity, it is killing the game. I have tried to use the Magic Wand with a partner, but the vibration has been so intense that it becomes uncomfortable for both parties. Conclusion: it’s more of a solo, quickie toy.
Alright, so this isn’t one of the vibrators I got to sample, but I came across it and I think there is something inherently sexy (albeit potentially uncleanly) about a necklace that doubles as a vibrator. I think that wearing it would make me feel like I have a sexy secret. It may potentially lead to long bathroom breaks during boring meetings BUT – productivity isn’t everything folks.
Trenchcoat X – $24.95 per month
I know for a lot of people paying for porn seems crazy, but hear me out. Trenchcoat was co-founded by Stoya – porn star, writer, and insanely sexy badassbitch (forreal check out her stuff). Trenchcoat has a lot of videos curated for women as seen by its comparatively high rate of female users.
I don’t know if y’all have ever checked out the “For Women” section on youporn or comparable sites. Many of these sites include videos like “big titty bitch takes cum shot all over face,” etc. CLEARLY, whoever created the category has very little knowledge about what many women may find arousing. Trenchcoat, however, has scenes where “performers are likely to kiss for a long time, press their entire bodies together and stare into each other’s eyes as they go at it.” So, I’m not saying that the latter video would appeal to all women, and I would never want to yuk anybody’s yum, but the videos appear to be more genuine, more consensual, and more “SEXY” compared to a lot of the porn out there.
Beauty7 Male Masturbator $11.99
I asked around and a good amount of my male friends who use toys that mimic the sensation of a hand/mouth/vagina/bum complain that the clean-up is annoying and that they prefer the grip of their hand over a toy. HOWEVER, I’ve been told that these toys can be good for my male friends when they are bored of their hands and want a change in sensation.
The Beauty7 Male Masturbator does the trick. It isn’t necessary to spend a lot of money on the more expensive toys in this category as they all feel kind of the same. However, if you would like your toy to look like a vagina or butthole (either in generic quality or specific to a particular porn star) that is doable. Just type in the body part you are interested in on Amazon/the porn stars name and if they have a curated masturbator, it should show up.
WeVibe – Verge $119
Verge by We – Vibe seems like a really fun toy! It is a vibrating penis ring that massages the perineum, which is an erogenous zone between anus and the scrotum. What I like about this toy is that it could be used solo, or with a partner of any gender/sex. Also, an interesting perk is that you can connect it to your phone and create your own vibration/rhythm or have a partner control the vibration.
The Buck-off $29.95
The Buck-off is designed specifically for transmen who have experienced some growth from taking testosterone and who want to engage in some sexy stroking times. It is squishy, lined with ridges, and can mimic the sensation of a blowjob. It can also give more of a “penetrating sensation” than products designed for clitoral stimulation.
Eva II $135
Ok so when I first saw EVA 11, I was like what is this strange alien like creature and do I really want it anywhere near my pussy? However, once you get over the initial confusion, the Eva 11 is FANTASTIC both as a solo toy or as a toy to be used with a partner. It has wings that tuck under the labia, while the rest of the toy gives you intense clitoral stimulation. It is hands-free and actually seems to stay in place with movement which means it can stay in place for changes in position during intercourse and can be used to make blow jobs even more fun.
The We-Vibe Match $139
The We-Vibe is AMAZING. It is a C-shaped toy that fits in a vagina and wraps around the clit to give both G-spot and clitoral stimulation. The part of the toy that fits in the vagina is small enough that one could also insert a penis (or a finger or dildo) inside. I have been told that the vibration is also very arousing on the penis and doesn’t disrupt one’s ability to thrust. It is no surprise that the We-Vibe won a GQ award as the best sex toy for couples. I also tried it solo and it was pretty great.
The Discover Gift Box – $250
So this one is a little hard on the wallet, but it is epic as fuck and includes a We-Vibe Match (above), a clit stimulator (super subtle and sexy), a mini vibe (generic, but good quality), a lil butt plug (good for those that are new to anal play), a Kegel ball, lube and more. I think this would be a great starter toy kit for a heterosexual couple or somebody with a vagina, and it’s a good bang for your buck (pun intended).
Horoscope Set $40
The Horoscope Set includes a surprisingly cool necklace (even though it doesn’t vibrate), a 10 setting vibrator with batteries included, and a clitoral balm. It comes in a really cute package, and I think this could be a good gift for those horoscope/vibrator folks, which lets be honest is likely a good percentage among us Bushwick 20-somethings.
Have questions?
You can always hit me up, and now I have a truly anonymous forum to collect questions and comments. However, please know I am not an expert in sex toys (other than being someone who has tried an insane amount of toys in the last couple of months).
If you feel comfortable, I would highly suggest going to a sex store where they can help you find the right toy for you. Babeland has a location in downtown Brooklyn, SoHo, and the LES, and the salespeople are knowledgeable, approachable and VERY helpful.
@nikidavisf is a full time consent educator and does private sex and relationship coaching sessions. The focus of her Masters was positive sexuality and she has lectured at NYU, The United Nations and many other venues on the subjects of sexual communication, sexual assault intervention and support, and human sexuality.
Contact [email protected] or @nikidavisf with your sex and relationship questions or for more resources.