I remember my first month in New York. I told a driver, on the B60 bus, that I was planning on not dating in the city to focus on my career, but he had a different idea. “You’re wasting your youth, and your time in New York not putting yourself out there. A girl that looks like you shouldn’t touch a door or pay for a meal in this city. You need to put yourself out there,” he told me.
That bus driver offered to be my sugar daddy two stops later, but ultimately he was right. I ended up living in New York for nine months without any full time job, relying instead on my looks and my southern charm. I would go to dinners and brunches with promoters to get free food. I would go on dates and just look hot and then go outside for free drinks. There would be weeks I had literally nothing, all of my banks accounts in the red, so I had to figure out how to survive.
Unlike Manhattan’s Carrie Bradshaw, or the Sarah Jessica Parker who plays her, both Gen X straight white women in their early 30’s, I am a Gen Z bisexual black woman in my mid 20’s, living in Bushwick. Also unlike Manhattan’s Bradshaw, I spend most of my time documenting BIPOC and LGBTQ+ news and events.
My ideal type is an educated, healthy, 26-35 year old man, between 5’10 and 6’4, with at least one degree and a job that he is proud of. On paper, I really don’t expect any more than I know I can offer and wouldn’t want to be with anyone who felt intimidated by me. I’ve been single for a few months and decided to finally put myself out there. Over the weekend, I found myself at a “play party” put on by an outfit called Naughty Nytes NYC, over in an otherwise quiet house on Troutman Street.
I was so naive that when I saw the flyer. I genuinely thought it was just a schoolgirl-themed party and was happy that it was in Bushwick, so I didn’t need to go too far. Had I not been on the press list, I would have had to fill out an extensive consent form, but I got a better idea of what was in store when I went to the bathroom to see if anyone had any lotion, and was told “we only have lube.”
Once I realized what I walked into, I asked one of the staffers, who was wearing only nipple covers and a schoolgirl skirt, how I should “put myself out there” in this space. I was surprised when she told me to just go at “my own pace.” She told me that many people don’t participate at all and that she herself watched for weeks before participating, and there is no pressure to “join the fun.”
Shortly later, I met a virgo from Flatbush, who told me had never been to a play party and we started to hit it off. I was gagged when one of the staffers approached him and asked him to volunteer as the centerpiece in a blowjob contest downstairs and he turned her down. We ended up sneaking off to the bathroom to share a kiss before we worked up the liquid courage to enter the dungeon downstairs, where photography was not allowed. I had grabbed my emotional support virgo to see what the fuss was about.
He was 6’4, had nice arms with tattoos, a full beard and was wearing a dress shirt and glasses to fit the teacher theme. We would meet up a few nights later, after I got kicked out of Madison Square Garden while trying to get photos of Sabrina Carpenter. Turns out Flatbush Virgo has a degree in psychology and used to be a music producer. We ended up going on a long, Diddy deep dive and he taught me a lot about the spiritual symbolism in music videos. We were up till four in the morning talking about all this.
The Bushwick dungeon itself was divided into several stations, with different activities going on in each. The first involved a naked woman getting massaged near an open flame while her body was covered in oil. Then I turned my head to the next station, where a woman was having sex with multiple men and a lesbian with a strap on. The last of these, I noticed, was the aforementioned blowjob contest.
I was really grateful I met Flatbush Virgo that evening because he was just as awkward as me, and seemed to want to leave the basement sooner than I did. Behind the bar upstairs, we saw a woman riding a man in the hottub directly and Flatbush Virgo told me that he felt like he was watching pornography.
I was honestly surprised that I actually ended up meeting a decent guy at a play party and I was proud of myself for staying open minded even though it’s not the occasion I meant to attend. He also wasn’t expecting to meet anyone there and had just come because a friend told him it would be a good time. He even got me an Uber home.
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