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Dirty Talk with Margot Berwin: Putting The Bush Back in Bushwick

Hi Margot!

Photo: soundtracktomyday.blogspot.com

Hi Margot!

 My girlfriend (who btw is always broke whenever we go out for dinner) spends $55 a month to have someone pour hot wax on her vagina and rip the hairs out. I couldn’t even write this without cringing. It makes her look like a 12 year old and it’s turning me WAY off. I know I’m in the minority but I don’t like it and I don’t get it. Do you?

~Bald is not beautiful~

Dear Bald,

Once upon a time in a land far, far away every lass had a pubic mound covered with a thick, triangular, swath of hair that often went down her thighs and up to her belly button. Hard to believe, but true. And even before that woman had…OMG …underarm and leg hair! Pubic hair was simply the last to go and you, my friend, were born in the wrong century.

That said, compared to other cosmetic procedures: botox (poison) injections, fat injections, breast implants, teeth veneers, grills and lace-up piercings, brazilian waxing can hardly be considered extreme. Nonetheless, the pubic hair debate rages on.

If you love most everything else about her and her only deficit is down below, why not ask her to compromise. Maybe half of a Brazilian, or why not six months on/six months smooth, or perhaps a fancy new merkin or some rhinestones? Use your imaginations - both of you!

Finally, it doesn’t need to be said that everyone has the right to do with their body what they wish. If your girlfriend’s look doesn’t do it for you and she doesn’t want to change…well you know what I’m going to say here. Go down or go home.

By the way, I have a friend who also loves the bush. He kindly gave me this tip: Go to the beach in the summer and look for females with a little “puff” in the ole bathing suit bottom. It’s a dead giveaway.

 

Dear Margot,

I was recently invited to a friend’s house for a family Easter dinner. There were ten people at the table, men and women, and it was a lovely night. We were eating our lamb and enjoying some wine and good conversation when my friend’s sister in law took out her big boob and began breast-feeding at the dinner table. I felt sick. First of all her nipple was huge and gross, and second, I don’t even know her! I excused myself and left and now my friend is mad at me. Was I wrong to leave?

~Ick~

Dear Ick,

Since I’ve never breast-fed myself, I went straight to the source and asked my mother, the beautiful Evelyn B, what she thought. She said that in her day there was such a thing as a “modesty blanket.” It was lightly draped over the boob and the babe and it had an openwork pattern that was not suffocating to the child. The idea of calling something a modesty blanket is kind of funny today, but we all get the idea and it’s not such a bad one.

I know I’m going to take a lot of s**t for this but there’s also this little item called a breast pump. Mothers can express milk early on and then bottle-feed it to the kid when they’re going to be at, say, a holiday party. After all breastfeeding is a natural bond between a mother and her child not between a mother and her child and the rest of the Easter dinner table.

If a baby has to feed and the mother cannot get out of a crowded situation like a bus or a plane, then go right ahead. But in a house there’s nothing difficult about turning around, using a cover, or simply asking people if they’re comfortable and leaving the room if they’re not.

Anyway I knew when this question came in that it was going to be controversial and that’s kind of what I love about it. I asked around and I got answers that ranged from good lord throw a rag over it, to I wouldn’t notice it unless it was offered to me personally. So, instead of trying to answer it myself, I’m going to leave it up to our readers. What do you think? Boob in, boob out, or boob neutral?

Comment below if you have an opinion and please don’t give the answer my good friend Jackson gave: Totally depends on what it looks like, Margot.

My final word? While breastfeeding doesn’t bother me personally, I think it was fine for you to leave. If she can whip it out, you can walk it out. Fair is fair.

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