Happy hump day, Bushwick. What better way to celebrate it than by looking at some weird Craigslist personals over the last week.
Below are missed connections that happened on the L train. To clarify things, we’ve done the original posters a service by checking and correcting their posts for intelligibility. And replacing naughty words.
Woman with red sunglasses and black furry coat
Date and location: Today in the L train
The first poster is a man seeking a woman with a real lack of workday gear.
“I should have asked you what kind of job you [do] where you don’t have to carry anything but a bottle of water and your phone. Maybe you’ll see this so I can ask that and more.”
Who knows, poster? Maybe it was just one of those actresses from “High Maintenance” in disguise. They’ve been filming around Bushwick lately.
Ginger on the L
Date and location: Jan. 29 on the L train
The description of this m4w missed connection gets real hot and heavy, so we’ll keep it PG-13, replacing the words for certain body parts with Bushwick-related ones in bold.
“I was standing against the door leading to the next train. You walked in, stood next to me and smiled. I kept imagining you running your hand on my Emotional support peacock, causing me to get a Montana’s Trailhouse right there on the packed train.”
“All I could think about was…you noticing, smiling at me…I shoot a smile back, and your hand makes its way over my Brobot Johnson. You get close to me and rub, making me MetroRock. My hand slides behind you, under your coat and I begin to rub your L Train shutdown over your pants…I can feel you getting Shwick…next thing we know, it is your stop. You lean against me, kiss my cheek and say…walk me home?”
“(The woman is real, this is an exaggerated story. I am not a total creep)”
L Train. We napped on each other
Date and location: Jan. 27 on the L train
This poster needs his nap-time snuggle buddy:
“We were on the Rockaway-bound L train.We were napping together on each other. You got off at Halsey Street station. You are very cute and you were comfortable.”
Quick, somebody get this guy a blanket! Or a restraining order.
First on the L, then in McCarren Park!
Date and location: Jan. 27 on the L train and McCarren Park
What are the chances of seeing the same potential love of your life on the L train and later in McCarren Park? Probably pretty good. But Fate has this guy sold.
“First time I saw you was on the L train.. we rode from Williamsburg to Manhattan.. you were texting most of the time but we were sitting across from each other and our eyes met a couple times.. I had to get off at Union Square and you stayed on the train giggling at your phone.. I liked you so much and was sorry I didn’t get a chance to say hi.. so I just got over it!
“BUT THEN TODAY WE CROSSED PATHS AGAIN! It was in McCarren Park…Took me a while to connect but then I realized it was you! You smiled back at me, I felt like ditching my friend and running up to you, but also didn’t want to embarrass you in front of the woman you were talking to.”
“There’s something that just draws me to you like a magnet, a gut feeling, a chemistry that stretches far through the air.”
I asked if you were wearing flyknits
Date and location: Jan. 24 on the L train at 6th Ave. around 6:30 p.m.
Not sure what Flyknits are, but this man says you, dear lady, were wearing them.
“Standing next to each other, I noticed your sneakers and asked if you were wearing Flyknits. We talked for a little before you got off a couple stops ahead of me.”
So that’s all for hump day missed connections, Bushwick. If you have an incredible memory for strangers and think one of these posts is about you, leave us a comment — we want to know how it feels to be so missed!
Cover image courtesy of Jay Wennington on Unsplash