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Dr Lisa: Are sexual fantasies about someone else OK? Plus . . . get to work!

I’m going to answer this sexual question that I received this week, but before I do, I would like to share this artwork with great advice for artists from seasoned professional, William Powhida

I’m going to answer this sexual question that I received this week, but before I do, I would like to share this artwork with great advice for artists from seasoned professional, William Powhida. In the last few weeks all we seem to talk about is sex. I just want to remind people how important working hard is for the soul, particularly if you have a creative pursuit and also need to make a living. Hard work is the best way to make yourself feel better and have balance in your life. It also takes a lot more grit and self-discipline than sex or eating. If you look closely at the top of Powhida’s piece, it says “move to Bushwick,” so you’re already off to a good start. Don’t waste it! Although Powhida’s artwork has the word “cynical” in front of “advice”, here’s a man who, besides showing and selling his work consistently, has a job teaching and a wife.

BTW: Please send in some career questions for next week. I want to see some inspired people out there trying to get shit done.

Sexual Fantasies, Alone Together

Q. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for four years. Is it okay if, during sex, I fantasize about other people? (Occasionally, I mean, not every time.) I’m afraid that I will continue to do this more as time goes on. Is it wrong to fantasize about other people every time we have sex?

A. The problem here, from what I can tell, is that you are bringing too many six packs of guilt into bed with you. And the guilt is getting in the way of you communicating with your partner. It’s not your fantasies that are the problem, it’s that you have to keep it to yourself, which creates an intimacy barrier between the two of you. And it now sounds like you are caught in a spiral, which you fear will get worse. As an attempt to exorcise your guilt, I am officially approving your fantasies and behavior. Someone’s getting to you and judging you—who is it: the Pope, Judge Judy, your mom or dad? Banish them from your head and your sex life. Bring them out for charity events and family gatherings you’re not in the mood to attend.

Listen up people—this is for all of you—sex in a long-term, committed relationship gets boring! It’s no one’s fault, it’s just the way it is. You can continue to spice things up on your own or you can bring your partner into the mix. IMHO, sharing porn is the most efficient way to do this. Take turns picking out videos that you both watch together. It will do the double duty of getting you both aroused as well as teaching each other new favorite tricks without having a heavy ’splaining conversation if you’re not up for that. Make sex more of an event and less of a habit, even if it means less of it.

Too good not to share: Q&A: I Cut My Vagina While Masturbating With A Lint Roller....

Dr. Lisa, S.P. (Self-Proclaimed) is ready to address any issue about your art, life, job, sex, you name it. She answers all emails and she will post some of her responses right here. Please send emails to: hellodrlisa@gmail.com.

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