Dr. Lisa’s Ego Evaluation Chart

I’m taking a sabbatical. Hopefully a relatively short one, but I’ve rented a studio to make work for Bushwick Open Studios and I have to use it. As we all know, time is running out. The good news is when I told my BFF, Margot about my taking time off from the column, she jumped up and down and said, “I want to do it, and I want to do it!” More about that later…

Anyway, the emotional machinations I went through to come up with this personal compromise brought up a lot of issues for me that I think in one way or another affect a lot of humans. So I thought I would share them with you.

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Photo courtesy of: notanotherfuckingcupcake.files.wordpress.com

I had to struggle to get some questions together this week. What is up with you people? You spend all this money on therapy or dragging down your friends with your problems and you could be sending them all to me right here at hellodrlisaATgmail.com!

So I’m going to answer some of your ridiculous questions, but here, the serious one first.

Serial Cheatee

 Q. How can I learn to trust someone that has cheated on me? Do I ignore my instinct and try and rebuild or move on?

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Photo courtesy of GoDaddy

I desperately want to say yes to this question, but I really don’t think it’s true for a lot of women. I admire women who are capable of sleeping with someone for the hell of it, but I don’t think it happens as often as the ladies let on. It’s just not cool to say you want to have a relationship with the person you’ve had sex with. If you go there, people will think you’re weak and needy. Ugh!

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Speed Dating at Single and Looking
Photo: Maya Meissner.

I got this invite a few weeks ago and could tell right away it was totally up my alley: SINGLE AND LOOKING, ArtHelix, 56 Bogart Street, March 12-27, 2013

Curated by Wilson Duggan, Single and Looking was organized using online dating sites to find single gay, straight, and bisexual men and women in Brooklyn who self-identify as artists on their dating profiles. Of the dozens of people invited to apply, the eight artists selected for the show represent a wide range of artistic practices and styles.

At the closing party for the show, Saturday, March 16th, the artists will be available for speed-dating with the audience; all of the artwork on view will be up for sale in a silent auction format, as will dates with the artists themselves. Personally, I’m hoping that the follow up to this show is Single and Looking for an Orgy.

It had my three favorite keywords: art, sex and booze. (more…)

As an advice columnist, I often read other advice columns for inspiration. This week I read one I really had to share.

It’s from Slate.com; the advice columnist there is Emily Joffee or as she calls herself, Dear Prudence. To sum it up if you’re too lazy to go to the link, the letter is from a guy with a condition called  “micropenis,” which is a real condition. The guy with the condition is asking Prudence advice about how to “handle” (ha ha) his situation because every time he gets to where he wants to be, the chicks can’t handle it. They say shit like, “Aww, it’s so cute!” Prudence/Emily advises the guy to meet a woman on a website where he can be upfront about his, um, condition, so he’ll know that the woman is interested in him in spite of his shortcomings (ha! I’m on fire here!). I have to say, I give this guy a lot of credit for reaching out. He’s probably a very cool guy having to have dealt with all that and doesn’t take the ladies for granted.

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One of the skills I’ve developed as a self-proclaimed psychotherapist is analyzing people’s personalities by studying their artwork. I think that this is a great way to gain insight because so much of the unconscious mind is expressed through art. (Yeah, like duh, Dr. Lisa. As if I haven’t heard that before, so art history 101.) If you’d like an example of my particular style of psychoanalysis through the subject’s artwork, here’s a short video, edited from a TV show that I covered at City Without Walls. The show, called “LOL”, was curated by Larry Walczak. Artists in the video are David Kramer and Amy Hill.Would you like to have your artwork analyzed by Dr. Lisa? Send in three images, short writing pieces, or whatever it is that you make to hellodrlisa@gmail.com. (more…)

Photos courtesy of Katey and Michael respectively.
Their Facebook profile photos, used with their consent)

As I recently reported, I hosted a Match-Up Mash-Up Game Show at the Bushwick Daily’s FANTASTIC Valentine’s Day Apocalypse Party at Bushwick Coffee House. Besides the game show, there was a DJ! And art! And best of all, there were all the Bushwick Daily people in one place at the same time! All in all, it was a really great time.

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Photo courtesy of TimeMastermind.com

Valentine’s Day is upon us. A great way to avoid all sorts of Valentine’s Day awkwardness is to join us at our Bushwick Daily Party—Over It: Valentine’s Day Apocalypse. It’s on Friday, the day after VD, so you have a chance to make Valentine’s Day-ish plans without the pressure of overthinking that pretend special day. And if you’re single or got ditched because of some Valentine’s Day-centric argument, you will have a chance to meet someone new. Or at the very least you can win a free dinner while getting set up MTV-Singled-Out-style during my Dr. Lisa’s Match-Up Mash-Up Game!

The Valentine’s Day season is a great time to revisit the age-old discussion of who should do the pursuing. Bear in mind, none of this is personal. But I do think biology weighs in on the side of men pursuing women. As Matthew Boggs of the Man Code put it, albeit quite inelegantly, “More often than not, the feel-good boost he gets by being ‘asked out’ gets squashed within hours by a biological backlash of she-male chemicals.” In other words, the ‘high’ he gets from you asking him out will only last until his internal romance meter realizes that he is now in the ‘feminine’ position (aka: being the chase)…and this kills the attraction.” And here’s some new research that suggests that when pursued, women turn down offers of casual sex for one simple reason: they suspect they won’t enjoy it. Of course, biology is not destiny! Believe me, on a personal level I am all for everyone having casual sex.

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“Artist Annie”, part her “My Slutty Vh1 Myspace” photo series. Photo courtesy of Ann Hirsch.

This week, performance artist Ann Hirsch takes a stab at helping me understand this phenomenon. Here’s a psychological question that is unresolved for me, so I thought maybe as an advice columnist, it’s time for me to get some opinions from you all. I have seen over and over how my female artists friends who have been in situations, when dating or otherwise, of being judged negatively on a personal level by their work and their willingness for exposing themselves. My personal guess is that men see these women as too aggressive and not feminine (passive?) enough.  Paradoxically, quite often, these are the women that are the most traditional, even conservative in their lifestyles.

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Illustration by Joey Parlett for Bushwick Daily

Q. Available or not? I have been spending a lot of time with a man I think I could have a real future with. The problem is, he has a girlfriend. He never seems to see this girlfriend and frequently asks me out on weekends, but he does mention her. Nothing physical has happened between us—I won’t go there unless he’s free, and he hasn’t tried—but there is definitely chemistry and I sense he knows how I feel. I think I should probably cut back on my own availability; I worry I’m making it all very easy for him and not placing enough value on my own time and emotions. I also wonder whether this mysterious girlfriend knows he’s spending so much time with an available single woman and how she feels about it. Advice on how to navigate this situation?

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